Sunday

lazing around in bed
this sunday morning
blanketed under new concepts
i heard church bells ringing
they used to say, "come to church, come to church"
but now they say, "come to Me, come to Me"

so, today my 2 younger step-sisters and i drove to port dover, an hour away, just because we felt like it. it's never fun to do NOTHING on a day off. it was kind of pointless, but kind of fun. we made up stories about a penguin from the antarctic named "lucas", who was only 3 years old but jumped on a plane to the superpower country previously known as belarus, now known as "quadra-drum-clinic-4". he was a quadraplegic but didn't realize it until someone told him so.

ever since i started reading "blue like jazz", my mind has been coming alive with lots of new concepts and approaches to life, religion, politics, and other things. i've been struggling a lot with what i believe as far as politics. i've always been quite a republican but lately i've been confused about what i REALLY believe. the book has been ticking me off from time to time because the author is not republican at all, and a christian at the same time - rare! it's been really riling me up, and i'm trying to understand where he's coming from. my thinking is getting entirely rearranged which is good but i'm trying to see jesus through all of it, which is not always easy. i'm beginning to see that it's not about "democrats" or "republicans", but about LOVE. easier said than done though. sigh... this world is so complicated. for some reason though, i've been feeling a lot of inner peace these past few days. usually i'm feeling a bit off about SOMETHING... and it's usually linked to me feeling indirectly afraid of god... but for some reason there has been a "solidness" in my spirit, knowing that god is helping me to become myself. i can really feel that he's doing stuff in my life, which i haven't allowed myself to see for months and months... maybe even years.

ewwww.... today i was in a drugstore and i saw perfume by "mary-kate and ashley" on display... so i sprayed myself with it... and now i SMELL. like something that is not perfume. i smell like one of those car-refresheners that you hang on your rear-view mirror.

in less than a week i'm supposed to move into a new place, and i'm feeling really mixed up about it. i've been living with my parents again for the past few months, and to be honest, it's been quite cozy. i hardly have to spend any money. it's going to be a rude awakening when i have to pay monthly rent again. i'm also kind of scared of being lonely, because i don't know my roommates yet. i'm definitely an introvert and i find it too easy to hide inside myself, so i'm afraid that i'll just hide myself in my room constantly and go crazy thinking about stuff. it's going to be hard to force myself to get out and talk to people.

it'll all be ok though... i'm sure.