Monday, July 30, 2007

Worrying .....

I have been worrying quite a bit lately. For some reason I typically go through phases of worry throughout the year. Maybe it's because when I go through a significant amount of stress in one area all other areas in my life are affected, which makes me feel like there is something wrong with everything. I don't know. But I've been significantly stressed out by one major area lately. Ahem.... my job.... ahem. I hate how this worry causes stress and makes me look for negativity in every other area of my life. The worst part is that I can't figure out why I feel stressed out in all areas of my life in the moment. When I stop and think about it I realize that I'm just letting my worry in the one situation get out of control. I wish worry and stress didn't have to affect me this way. Does this only happen to me? Are most people able to compartmentalize their stress into individual life categories? I sort of doubt it. But GEEZ, is it ever confusing.

And THEN my worry makes me feel out of control and crappy about myself, which makes me stress out even more in every situation. For some reason I find it really hard to communicate with people in my life when this happens. I feel like I can't "talk it out" when I'm going through something hard because I feel like once I start venting I won't be able to sort everything out as I'm letting it all out and that everything I vent about will scare people away from me with its negativity. So I hold it all in and then seem awkward and distant. YIKES. I wish I could just fly to BC and stay with my family for 6 weeks. Or 8 weeks. Or more. So to all of my friends out there.... if I've been weird lately, this is why. It is HONESTLY nothing personal. :)

I think tonight I'll sleep in the living room. It will feel like a mini-vacation. I'm not hard to please.... all I need is a slight change of location and I feel like I'm on an actual vacation. Or maybe I'm just used to not going anywhere, ever. Sigh.

Earlier I was watching CSI. Grissom ... what a cool dude. I love him. He's the smartest. Most smart? Smartest? Anyway, in the episode I saw there was a perverted guy guilty of doing weird stuff with his daughter. As this came out in the show I said "Sick son of a bitch!" out loud. Seconds, literally seconds after I said this one of the main characters said exactly the same thing precisely the way I said it. The freakiness of the situation made me say "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" even though no one else was home... I'm telling you, it was PSYCHO!

Anyway, I'm ridiculously tired.... Maybe I'll go set up my "vacation" bed now out in the living room!
Oh, before I end this post........... picture time. We went to a family wedding this past Saturday...

Here we are, trying to look normal and pose nicely.


And here we are being the way we usually are. Oh, I love my family!! :)


dearbethany 12:40 AM  

Annie annie annie!
Annie dear.
Dear Annie,
I read your post (obviously).
I know that this probably isn't going to help. I just wanted to remind you that YOU (my dear) are one of the most prophetic people I know. The amount of time you spend 'meditating on the prophetic' and 'in the word' and blah blah blah...doesn't change the fact that you have a prophetic nature.
So just realize, that whatever you are feeling could be that you are on the brink of an emotional crisis that nobody but you will understand...or, it could be that your spirit is trying to get your attention in the only way it knows how. I think its TIME for you Annie. I don't know what that means, but I think it's time.

tu est precious. haha. seriously.

Anonymous 4:26 AM  

Yay, blog. So happy.

When I quit my job, and then quit the new job, I was super stressed. I was not a joy to be around, I fake-smiled my way through the days, and I basically wanted to cry myself to sleep. And then one day, I pulled into a parking lot, slid my chair back, had a big ol' sigh, and it was as though that sigh cleansed me entirely of any negativity or stress I was feeling, and I actually said, "I'm going to be o.k."

So just trust in that it will blow over. My recommendation is to have a mini-breakdown. Watch or read something that will make you cry, have a good cry for an hour or two, then have a bubble bath with a happy-scented candle burning & maybe even a glass of wine. I like to have these mini-breakdowns every 3-4 months ... just to keep myself sane.

Anonymous 1:40 PM  

Wow...I know exactly how you feel. About the stress that is. And not going anywhere. I get the same way when I'm stressed out...awkward and distant and overwhelmed. So then I just bottle things up and watch episodes of the office online, or, if i feel like sorting out, i like to take my journal to the lake and just write all the crap that's in my brain. it helps.
we should get together sometime and talk about our stressful situations. and then listen to sufjan stevens and make it all go away :P